I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
