just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
