I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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