ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if only i could text you this smell
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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