i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
