My nipple is on Facebook.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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