Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
