woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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