Got a toothbrush?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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