also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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