ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Houston, we have a blender
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
