mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
