dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
