he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
