He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
