I think I am morally bankrupt
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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