Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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