my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
