Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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