Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
