Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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