I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
