yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
don't judge my taste in strippers
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
