So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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