OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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