Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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