Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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