so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
