I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
