ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
