I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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