This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How external is "for external use only"?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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