You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
