At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
