What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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