You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
