Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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