Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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