So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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