Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
