I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
