in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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