There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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