i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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