I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
