Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
