Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
