Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
