Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
