Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
