I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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